What am I? To my kids, that is.
The other day I was waiting for my daughter to get out of ballet class. She hasn’t been taking the class for very long, so I haven’t really gotten to know the other parents yet. There is one other mom, who is very friendly and chatty, so she was asking me about my other kids and other get-to-know-you kind of stuff.
I had the baby with me, and he was especially sweet that day, so this other mom was talking to him and making him laugh. She started talking about how she wished she’d had another baby, but it just didn’t happen. She then started describing her two girls. When describing her second daughter, she said, “She’s my confidence.” My first thought (unfortunately) was, “This woman doesn’t know how to pronounce confidant.” She went on, though, to explain that her daughter is always telling her how pretty she is and how great she is, etc. She gives her mommy confidence. I thought that was one of the sweetest things I have ever heard.
On the way home, I started thinking about my sweet kiddos who do that very thing for me. They tell me how pretty I am all the time. They tell me I smell good. They tell me what a good cook I am. I love their honest, sweet little hearts. This lady’s daughter was her “confidence.” My kids, for sure, give me confidence. They give me laughter. They give me unconditional love. They give me joy. Then, I started wondering what I give to them, what I am to them?
There are so many days when I feel like I have failed them, so many days when I have failed them. There are so many days when I lose my temper and say things to them that I would never dream of saying to another adult. I have power over them, and I abuse it. I’m certain that there have been times that I have crushed their little hearts with the things I have said, or shouted, because I just want to finish a task without interruption. And really, the only reason they interrupted was because they wanted to be with me.
I’m so ashamed.
What am I to them? Am I their confidence? Am I their confidant? Am I a good teacher? Am I a good example of a godly wife? Godly mother? Godly person? Am I good example of Christ’s love?
Very often, probably almost all of the time, a resounding “NO” is the answer to all of those questions, but PRAISE BE TO GOD that He gives me grace. And praise be to God that my kids do too. I pray that the Lord will make me exactly what they need.